Your dad touched me again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
