you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
