and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
