I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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