Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
