Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
