i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
