You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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