Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
