Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
