sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
