I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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