the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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