First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
