guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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