I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
