Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
