I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
