hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
