my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
