Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
