My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
