The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
