your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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