I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pants are for mortals
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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