i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
