She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
