You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
