6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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