a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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