I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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