I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
