Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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