ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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