Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
