the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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