An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.