Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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