I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
