um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
