Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
