HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
