just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
