All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
