Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
