life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
