ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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