trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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