Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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