I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
