Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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