You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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