I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
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At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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