We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
