He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
