Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
