Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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