Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
