I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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