Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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