she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
