How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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